Wednesday, September 26, 2012


When I was younger I did gymnastics from the age of 5 to 14.  I was frequently told I was graceful...graceful as I moved across the beam, danced across the mat.  I was not very strong on the vault or tumbling across the floor, but my long arms, pointed toes, and fluid movements afforded one perk in a power house sport.  

Please fast forward 15+ years and let's call my new powerhouse sport MOTHERHOOD.  At which I'm learning I'm NOT very graceful.
Exhibit A
That moment when your speedy 2 1/2 year olds make a bee line for the automatic doors leading to the parking lot as you chase after them like a a bat out of hell across the lobby with their empty stroller.  Upon gathering your children, taking a deep breath, and talking to them as nice as possible (hello, we're in public) you stand up straight to see every sweet old lady volunteer looking right at you.

Exhibit B
That moment you're watching morning cartoons with the kids and waiting for the coffee maker to finish dripping, only to enter the kitchen and see the coffee mug sitting by the sink.  Which is across the room from the coffee maker.  Which has just dripped your cup of joe all over the counter.  So you make a new cup.  And then have to be out the door two sips later.  So you re-heat the coffee after lunchtime.  But 20 seconds in the microwave was a bit too much so you spit it out (yes, on the floor) and now your lips and tongue are scorched and tingly.  For the love of coffee...

Exhibit C (from a friend)

That moment you're trying to shop in Whole Foods while your sons rage through the store with their own pint sized shopping carts and hit everyone and everything in sight, including the grapes that come crashing to the ground, which the boys proceed to devour. 

Exhibit D
That moment you wake with a jolt from what should be a pleasant afternoon snooze while your children nap only to realize it's your night to host supper club and your to-do list was supposed to be crossed off item by item while your children slept.  Ooops.

Exhibit E
That moment in the grocery store when your children think it's fun to play airplane as you walk down the cereal aisle.  And every box you pass comes crashing down.

Exhibit F (from a friend)
That moment when you have to bring your youngest to your dentist appointment and to keep her quiet you give her a lollipop while you have your teeth cleaned.

Exhibit G

That moment when we're waiting in line to ride the choo choo train at our local museum and as you hold one son while grabbing the shirt collar of the other you realize everyone around you can now describe the color, size, and pattern on your bra of the day.  Toddler hands and stretchy v-neck shirts don't work well together.

Exhibit H 
That moment at nap time when you're desperate for your kids to go to SLEEP and you just heard yourself say, "If you go to sleep right away you can bounce on the couch and jump on the cushions this afternoon."  Seriously?

Exhibit I
The moment you run into your OB/GYN at Target and she mentions the voice mail you recently left her about a concern/question.  At least she says I'm normal.  And as I proceed to chat with this one woman in the world who knows EVERYTHING about me inside and out, our children start playing catch with the Advil containers on the shelves.  She has twins too along with an older son.  Five boys "going long" to catch the flying medicine in the air.  Time to move on.

Exhibit J
The moment you wonder where those two dirty diapers could be as you start a load of laundry, only to realize once you're back upstairs that they were carried down in the clothes hamper.  The clothes hamper that contained the clothes that are now in the wash.  Emptying a full washer of water, soap, and wet clothes to retrieve two dirty diapers can get a little messy.  To say the least.  BUT at least I caught my mistake before the spin cycle started.  Oh the horror that could've been.

I had a dear childhood friend whose brother would say, "Yes Grace," every time he'd see us trip, fall, stutter, or drop something and he knew we needed a little help.  Here it is over 15 years later and I can still hear his sarcastic tone as I stumble through my days.  As gracefully as possible, of course.

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