Saturday, March 17, 2012

The Green Grinch

I sense a little bitterness in the air, but with warm temps, an excuse to drink green beer all day, and lots of basketball to watch, what's to complain about!??!  Apparently plenty, according to three grumps I ran into today all before noon.  I hope the leprechauns don't leave them any gold, so there.

THE FAT BOY
For the past 8 weeks I've been helping coach a running team to get ready for the upcoming 10K race - a big deal around here.  There are quite a few coaches out on the course each week and we usually tag team at intersections to monitor traffic and cheer on participants so one person isn't in one place for very long.  This also means I consistently stay with the same bunch of participants for the morning too...run, monitor traffic/cheer, catch up to runners, repeat.  So at one corner this guy (ok, let me be honest, some young fat dude) says, "So you guys just stop at every light?"  "Just keeping tabs on everyone and cheering you along," I reply.  I pass him a few blocks later and he says, "There you go again lookin' all shamrocky!"  "Just a little St. Patty's day spirit," I say.  "Are you even Irish?" he asks.  "Haha nope!" I answer.  And then he shouts, "POSER."  I just keep running.  About a mile down the road I'm at a large traffic circle, once again directing runners where to go and offering up some encouragement, and I see 'Mr. Attitude' veer off on his own path. He wasn't even on our team!  Who's the poser now, fat boy?

THE SKIN HEAD GROUCH
After I got my hair cut today I was walking back to my car enjoying my stroll down memory lane, as I'd parked near my old apartment in the Fan.  Lots of drunkards happy, green-clad customers were already filling the corner bars and the Irish chants coming from inside made it sound more like midnight than mid-day.  At the back door were two employees taking a smoke break and all I hear out of the pale, scraggly guy with the unshaven face and shaved head who's squatting on the sidewalk taking a drag is, "Half these people aren't even Irish and they're in green.  It's so f'in stupid."  Where's the love, buddy?  How often do you go to church or say a prayer to the Big Guy upstairs?  But I bet you still celebrate Christmas and Easter.  And for the record, I hope bet those customers you're calling stupid are so tipsy later they 'forget' to leave you a tip. Oh karma.

THE ROAD RAGER
Then when I was in the Barnes and Noble Parking lot I was stopped (AT A STOP SIGN, no less) to let a few people cross the street.  Out of nowhere a white pick up truck peels around me, so I honk, and receive the obligatory arms-thrown-in-the-air gesture that says, "Oh yea?  What!??!"  I mean, I guess he could've have given me the finger.  As my dad would say, "That guy thinks he's extra special.  Stop signs don't apply to him."  He's probably the same guy that parks his car at the grocery store curb, clicks on his hazards, and runs inside to do his shopping for the week.

Anyway, here's to the rest of us who'd like to enjoy our spring/summer like weekend, donned in green or not!  HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!


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